Welcome To Holland
Early in this journey someone shared a story with me that I still think of several times a week, even after all the years. I pray it provides everyone who reads it with peace and perspective. There are a few changes and additions that are widely accepted as many things have changed since 1987, thankfully. However, the story remains strong.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
By Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability [or medical condition/mental health condition/different ability] – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place.
So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things - about Holland.
From Amy: this does provide a generic spin on a painful situation that could be misinterpreted to be a one-size fits all. My goal is for you to see the intent of the story. Regardless of how you traveled to Holland, you are here along side many amazing families. When I envision “Holland” I envision families that I have met at Mayo Clinic, at the therapy clinic, in my son’s autism classroom, in the aisles at Target with children having panic attacks and meltdowns like my son, in this La Vie Est Belle community - all standing together lending each other a helping hand. Families from all cultures, backgrounds, all conditions, and situations. It is a judgment, shame, discrimination free zone. All are welcome in Holland.
