For All the Reasons I Wanted to Tell Her…

For all the reasons I couldn’t tell her, but wanted to…

…and then I told her and braced myself…

…a few friends, family and advisors in our life saying “maybe”, “no”…”you can’t”…our daughter said “yes, I need this”.   

Once again I am reminded that mental health is an individualized experience, diagnosis and treatment plan.  You cannot generalize treatment and make assumptions. By doing so, we might miss an opportunity that may give our daughter the best chance and greatest hope.  And hope mentioned is hers…and it is her hope that gives us (her parents) the courage needed to let her go.  Without our daughter’s strength and bravery, I am certain our fear and tears may hold our daughter back from the best chance she might have.  And it is not about “getting better”…it is about “accepting, healing, learning how to live with, and moving forward”.

** (Author’s Note) I have purposefully been vague in addressing in detail what specifically I am talking about as it relates to “The Impossible Decision” or “what I wanted to tell her”. That has been done intentionally as everyone’s mental health journey is unique and decisions we might be faced with are different.

But in this case, we are considering residential treatment for our daughter. Not necessarily because the severity of her mental illness/risk to self or family warrants it, but because it nearly does. We risk hospitalization every week. We risk a marriage, jobs and heath/well-being of two other children every day. Yet the severity of our daughter’s anxiety and panic is not “severe enough” (so the experts tell us), therefore, our access to care is limited by both diagnosis and limited-to-no resources with availability. Imagine the heartache knowing our daughter could stay home, but if we make that choice, accessing the care she needs will be at the mercy of providers (pediatrician, behavioral counselor, school counselor, family therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, and occupational therapist) scheduling 3-12 months out or no longer taking new patients. Comprehensive teams and solutions nearly impossible. Daily toll on the family and our daughter would continue. Support for our daughter a patchwork of solutions at best.

In addition, we have since learned (a week after I wrote content above) that insurance has denied coverage and now we wait while we make an appeal in partnership with our pediatrician. Our daughter’ bravery wanes and the reality of the “impossible decision and ask” becomes more real and even harder with each day…for all of us.