Move Beyond Whatever Limits Life Placed on You.
A friend said something to me earlier this week…something that stays with me and causes me to pause…often. She said, “Kristin, your daughter is not going to ‘get past’ her mental illness.” And like a few others in my life, I think she was gently saying that I need to accept where my daughter is at, who she is now and how that will continue to impact our lives moving forward. I continue to tell others around me I have accepted our journey, but honestly I am not sure I have. In full transparency, I continue to wait for the “miracle” that will reset the life we used to have. However, truth-be-told…I am not sure I can or want to go back either…I am not the same person…we are not the same family.
I am reading the book, “Limitless” by Mallory Weggemann (a Paralympic gold medalist). Her introductory words resonate deeply and occupy my thoughts. They have created a bit of turmoil in my mind and heart this week, but I recognize the need for the struggle and courage to move past the idea that we are going to “get past”. I share some of her writing with you below. For those that journey with me…it will hit home. For those on a different journey, I am confident you will find strength and wisdom in her words.
Mallory starts, “Quick fixes and neat resolutions aren’t always realistic.” Wait…does the author know I am a Type A, First-Born? Quick and neat are who I am. She goes on to say, “Challenges may knock us flat again and again, odds may be stacked dizzyingly high against us, and the world can seem so wildly unfair that we are tempted to give up. But life is about the long game, and what seems overwhelming in the moment could very well be pointing us toward something greater. It’s up to us to push past the noise of our present, past expectations placed upon us, and into the boundless possibilities of our unwritten future.”
“We have no way of knowing where the future will take us…we just have to trust that there is something beautiful waiting for us.” Mallory continues, “It’s like the quote often attributed to Marin Luther King Jr.: ‘Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.’” Although Mallory is referencing a physical disability, I wonder if she knows how much her words mean to parents supporting a child braving a mental illness.
Mallory continues, “I never dreamed I would find more meaning and freedom in life because of my struggles. I have shed the restrictions placed on me - by others as well as myself - and built a life rooted in possibility, potential and promise. When I refused to accept limits to what I could do, I threw open the door to a life that’s bigger and fuller than I could ever have imagined.”
She goes on to say, “It’s not about naïve optimism; it’s about believing in the power of resilience - the combination of courage, passion, patience and perseverance - to create something meaningful out of difficult circumstances. Resilience is simply doing what you have to do for as long as it takes. You don’t have to do it with grace, and you don’t have to do it with cheerfulness - you just have to do it. It’s simultaneously that simple and that profoundly difficult. It’s also the only way to move beyond whatever limits life may have placed on you.” I sometimes feel silly for holding onto hope so tightly and this need to be positive (despite daily doses of anger and frustration)….this idea of naïve optimism. I often tell others and my daughter…what choice do we have?
The author adds a final thought to her introductory note, “When we remove every boundary that hems us in - physical, emotional or societal - we become limitless. When we reject pre-conceived notions about what something “should” look like, we move ourselves toward the possible. The real secret to overcoming setbacks is developing the wisdom to know which goals are worth pursuing and which weights - expectations, limitations, and disappointments - we must let go to rise to the top. Don’t be afraid to cut anchor. Fight your way back to the surface.”
From Mallory and others in my life that quietly and patiently guide, coach and love me, I am learning that there isn’t really such a thing as going back to “normal” after trauma or tragedy. You cannot go back because somewhere along the way your perception of normal changes based on your experience. Life for me…for my daughter…for my family…is still limitless. It will just be different…and with time I will fully accept this…maybe even embrace it.
