I Wonder if Our Daughter Realizes…

As parents…as a family…we often struggle to balance our needs with our daughter.  Begging, praying, wishing…sometimes unfairly demanding clarity or guidance from our daughter on how best to help her or navigate a challenging situation.  Unfairly because how do you really expect a young girl to define or rationalize an irrational state of fear…a state she can often disassociate from with little memory or certainly a moment she prefers to forget versus study in detail.

As parents we watch for glimpses or indicators (with the same hope and diligence you might wait for a baby’s first word or first step) that our daughter is making progress - her abilities to cope, manage and live with her anxiety, trauma and panic getting stronger.  Often unfairly disappointed because our expectations are not always fair or reasonable.

But then this week our daughter shares the following with her therapist in a conversation regarding school…currently her biggest trigger and source of anxiety/stress for our entire family. As a reminder, she missed her entire 6th grade year and 7th grade was challenging and debilitating for all of us. So debilitating, the school year ended abruptly 4 weeks early. Less than six weeks away, 8th grade is nearly upon us. We are desperate for guidance.

Anna shared, “I know I might have to choose between being with my friends/desire to learn in school versus what my body and mind allow me to do and the impact it is having on my family.”

I tear up and realize how far our daughter has come despite the unfairness of the thought and choice she may have to make. I wonder if others see how far she has come despite the daily challenges we still face and unfair (but understandable) perceptions that sometimes follow. I wonder if our daughter realizes… I am going to go remind her. Darn, I am so proud of her.