Her Story to Tell
My husband was hoping to contribute this week, but is elbow deep in chili and pumpkin carving as our family gears up for Halloween festivities this evening. A beautiful crisp fall day in Minnesota today…just perfect! I just got back from a run and reflection on our week in Florida and busy week ahead. One thing continues to weigh heavy on my heart and mind…writing will help…
Tomorrow our family will be participating in a media event…an opportunity to tell our story with our daughter. A story that will be shared with the public later this month. I truly wish we did not have a story to tell…but we do. I truly wish the story did not need to be told…but it does. I wish more than anything telling the story is not so hard…but it is. But what I am grateful for…my daughter’s ask to share and courage/bravery that inspires me everyday. It is not our ask or story to share…it is not anyone else’s story…it is our daughter’s.
Our family has lived a blessed life, but lately a glimpse into a life of “being different” and the extra struggles that occur simply because we are perceived “different”…and how simply exhausting it can be. And not because we or our daughter are actually different people, but because something about her/us feels different to others. Yes, my daughter braves a panic disorder….she is not a different person…she battles an illness. An illness most do not understand and often shy away from…not that I truly blame them…it is difficult to understand…often frustrating…and very often misunderstood.
The act of simply telling a story has been made more difficult than it should ever be. Organizations that are meant to help break down barriers around mental health stigmas are the same partners that are scripting our story and insisting on anonymity to “protect us”. Now, let us be very clear…my husband and I have always been very careful about protecting our daughter while at the same time empowering her to tell a story she is not ashamed of in an effort to help others. Our daughter has never once been told she should feel or be made to feel ashamed of who she is. She has never once been told she should hide. We continue to tell her that her bravery, strength and compassion at a young age are her super powers….powers some of us learn much later in life. Our daughter does not understand why she might not be proud of who she is or why should would not be proud of her story tomorrow, in two years or in five years.
Last night my husband and I had to explain to our daughter that her script has been changed. That the story has to be told in a different way. Some aspects of the decision my husband and I fully support…other aspects we do not understand, but appreciate the attempted care and assumption that the right thing is being done. That those making the recommendations are the “experts”. But, I challenge everyone who might feel they are the “experts”…until we/you have truly walked in her shoes…can any of us fully understand or appreciate? Last night our little girl cried because for the first time she heard and felt that her illness might be shameful…regardless of our best efforts as parents to hide any and all of that possibility from our daughter…she is smart. In an effort to de-stigmatize mental health…our daughter…our family felt stigmatized for the first time. A story and choice that was ours…was re-scripted to protect us. But I challenge all of us…who are we really protecting…what are we really protecting by not telling the truth and reality? So many of us are ready to be brave and heal…please let us…because honestly the alternative…to hide or to feel ashamed by something we cannot control or choose…is simply not an option.
