You Can Be Anything You Want
Diversity…equity…and inclusion (DEI). Words that mean something much differently to me this year than this time last year. Only one year later and yet I reflect on how much my perspective has changed supporting a child that has limitations I never grew up with.
This past week I participated in a DEI class. I struggle with the idea that we need a class to remind us how to treat others humanly (above and before anything) recognizing our background and unique characteristics define our beautiful individuality. Sadly, we do not always cherish and celebrate these wonderful characteristics that make each of us unique.
We participated in a powerful exercise in which the entire class (local business/community leaders) stood in a long straight line…fairly equal in accomplishment. We were then asked questions such as, “Were you told you could be anything? Did you ever wonder when you would eat next? Were your parents college graduates? Have you ever felt discriminated or made to feel less than others? Have you ever received financial assistance or an inheritance from your parents?...” For every question that was an “advantage” we took a step forward. For every question that was a “disadvantage” we took a step back. Powerfully…only a few of us in the entire class of 30 never took a step back. A few of us took a number of steps forward with every advantage we were bestowed growing up. We grew up privileged and many steps ahead of our peers simply because we were born into a fortunate situation. Many of our peers today started a number of steps behind us and had to work twice as hard to accomplish the same goals. Now, this does not mean that everyone in the room did/does not work hard. It simply means those of us in the room born into greater privilege had additional means and support. A starting advantage and fewer roadblocks or hurdles.
Our oldest daughter is growing up with these same privileges…and maybe even a few more surrounded by a community of family and friends with generous means. She has been provided every opportunity/means of support available to a child living with a mental illness. She is fortunate to have a diagnosis, a family that can afford medical care and counseling, a community that has wrapped themselves around her, a school team that is working hard to assure she is learning/set-up for success and parents that will tell her the same thing we heard growing up, “You can be anything you want.”
But she may face discrimination and some challenges my husband and I never experienced. If she had been standing in “that line” with me…she would be a couple steps behind me. As a mom/parent who wants nothing more than to see my children flourish, this is a hard realization. Our daughter is unique or different than most…or is she? Aren’t we all different? Sadly, I now know like so many others she will unfairly experience discrimination or judgement. I know because she already has. She now knows what shame is…not because she or others feel shame…they experience the shame others place on them. Through our own circumstances/learned behavior we each have our own bias…some of this bias we are not even aware of…affecting how we treat and approach others every day. I have my own…I am not sure it is even possible to not. But I remind myself to approach others with kindness and respect recognizing that we are all people first. It is simply…really.
So, my ask… Remember to treat everyone “humanly” first and foremost. Celebrate individuality and learn from each other. If you want to know more or seek to understand…ask the question(s). Approach everyone believing they have highest and best intentions…despite the optics of the situation. Remind every child (despite age….5 or 50) that they can be anything they want when they grow up. That they can do anything. Help clear the runway and let them soar.
