These Are Our Children…
Recently we learned that a mental illness diagnosis can change/evolve. Gosh, just when we thought we understood…
As a reminder, Mayo diagnosed our daughter with acute anxiety/panic disorder one year ago (August, 2021). This is the diagnosis we have led with and accordingly the help we have sought and/or support we have been provided. We are learning a lot about the power or importance of a mental health diagnosis - both in how it can help or hurt. To put this in context, how you might support a child with panic, depression or PTSD are quite different - and yet many of us (until we live with it) would probably generalize support or make assumptions based on perception. Sadly, I cannot tell you how damaging this is and how exhausting the constant advocacy is.
Today we are being advised that our daughter no longer meets the criteria for generalized panic disorder. With time (and as she/we learn to cope with the disorder) we watch our daughter’s anxiety and panic evolve into more situation specific/trauma-related triggers with some generalized anxiety and panic still lurking. We are told her leading illness or diagnosis is PTSD (related to the trauma or violent onset of her illness) and possibly undiagnosed ADHD with a mix of disruptive behavior and manipulation (as a result of coping in crisis for two years). Do you blame our daughter or others for their maladaptive behaviors? How can we possibly when these are tools used to survive? To date we have been advised our daughter has or may have over five different forms of mental illness. Generally, what we do know…is that we really don’t…and even less about how to parent and support in partnership with the professionals who are learning right alongside us.
Why do I mention this? I am once again reminded and remind others the importance of advocating for a loved one who braves mental illness. We ultimately know them best and in a world that struggles to understand mental illness, and often exhausted by it, too easily moves past leaving those that battle with few good answers and little support. If there is one thing to learn…do not give up on our children. Do not ask them to apologize for behaviors we know they are embarrassed by and cannot control. Do not ask us if we have remorse or resentment toward time lost and perceived damage done. These are our children, and this is our life. We will always fight for them…for their hopes and dreams (regardless of illness)…and in doing so…teach them to be proud, compassionate and courageous…always.
