Love Life Now
Hi! Well, let’s just be honest up-front….I have never blogged before. And even more honest…I am rarely on social media. So, I really have no clue where to start. So…just starting…here goes nothing…
I have had to completely re-invent myself in the past six months, so why not add “writer” to my new resume. But let’s not get too far ahead ourselves. I need to introduce myself and set the stage before our conversation can continue.
My name is Kristin, proud mother to a beautiful 11-year-old girl that experienced a panic attack at well-child check that triggered acute anxiety/panic disorder that changed our life, perspective and path forward suddenly and without warning. Any stigmas or preconceived ideas about mental illness…let’s just get rid of those right now. Anna is blessed with a loving family, beautiful home, safe community of friends and neighbors, A-student, competitive dancer…we had no indication the following was about to transpire. Sadly, like any physical illness, mental illness can happen to any of us.
On Wednesday, September 16, 2020 our daughter started illustrating anxiety around vaccines she knew would be getting at her 11-year-old well-child check. I struggled to get our oldest out of the car and into the medical facility. She was hesitant and in tears. In the exam room she suddenly demonstrated symptoms of a panic attack (dizziness, tingling in arms and legs, butterflies in her stomach and loss of sensation in limbs) – something I had never witnessed.
By Tuesday (9/20/20) our daughter’s symptoms were significantly worse – seeing some anxious trembling, combative behavior and screaming. We called a nurse who recommended we take her to an ER. A local hospital ran a variety of tests/bloodwork. Only red flag were irregular thyroid results, but not conclusive or significantly alarming. They sent us home with a few doses of Ativan (Lorazepam) to control elevated panic attacks and recommended we see her pediatrician.
Our daughter’s symptoms continued to worsen. Symptoms had migrated from butterflies in her stomach to feelings more relatable to a heart attack – chest pain, shortness of breath, increased dizziness, weakness in arms and legs. Our daughter was beginning to become truly terrified and as a result increasingly frustrated, angry and combative. She started to say things like “I cannot live like this. Make it stop. I will make it stop. I want to be with our dog in Heaven.” By Tuesday (9/29/20) her symptoms were so bad, we no longer felt our daughter and family were safe. At the recommendation of our county crisis hotline, we brought our daughter back to the hospital. At the hospital she was deemed unsafe to be home and admitted.
Our daughter spent 7 days in the hospital waiting for an inpatient mental health bed. Every day her symptoms got worse while we waited. The hospital attempted to show our oldest some coping mechanisms for her anxiety, but her ability to control or regulate her sensory system continued to degrade. In tears we found ourselves in discussion with hospital staff about the possibility of sedation or restraint to keep our daughter safe. Less than two weeks ago she was practicing with her competitive dance team. We were in shock and at a complete loss.
On Monday (10/5/20) we learned our daughter had been reviewed and approved for admission into an in-patient mental health hospital in Brooklyn Park. Her new home for nearly two weeks was room #8. Our journey had only started...
Today, our daughter remains home and slowly improving. We have logged to date a total of three ER visits and three extended hospital stays. We have a medical 3-ring binder for our daughter that is bursting at the seams, but I refuse to get a second one. In February I had to put my career on hold. For any career driven mom out there trying to balance it all - there is some peace and struggle with this decision. I remind myself every day my greatest and most important job is mom and now care provider.
Although I may never understand the “why” behind our journey with our daughter, I do believe all things happen for a reason. I am hopeful my family will lend a strong and positive voice for children/adolescents, families and those serving our communities working to break down barriers, raise awareness and make a difference in the lives of those braving mental illness. As we advocate for our daughter, we look forward to evolving mental health/well-being thinking and care models for those that journey with us. These individuals and families are some of the bravest people we know.
La Vie Est Belle was born out of the desire to tell our story…to be a voice, mindful reminder and community for others. We are choosing our own path to happiness or to love life now. We hope to inspire others as much as they inspire us.
