Do Not Live With It, Live Past It

(a letter from my future self)

Dear Me,

Today it is January 23, 2023…

A year of struggle in which you had to regularly exercise patience, faith and trust as you continued to navigate the mental health of your children and family amongst Covid, political divisiveness and social change. BUT, you made a decision in January - a firm stance in your beliefs and actions that changed your year and future moving forward. However, before I remind you of the “change” made, it is important to reflect on the past that now defines your future. And I speak of you as an individual, woman and a mom.

Really the wheels-of-change were set in motion in 2017. From those looking in, it may have appeared you had it all. A corporate title before 40, a beautifully remodeled home in an affluent neighborhood, beautiful family and loving husband. You were indeed extremely blessed, but it was not the “all” your heart desired. What many did not realize is that you worked around the clock and never saw your three children…especially your third who was just one and then suddenly two and nearing three. You only and regularly saw her at nighttime when she would crawl in bed with you around 9 pm to catch a snuggle while you worked on your laptop until midnight. You realized all the things wrong with this picture and slowly began changing the course of your life.

Fast-forward to 2019. You and your husband had purposefully chosen a simpler life in Lake Elmo, MN. An opportunity to be more family-centric than career-centric. Six months later (now March 2020) enter stage left, Covid, and another six months later your oldest begins battling a sever panic disorder. It became the year in which you simply survived and reacted. Another six months (months riddled with hospitalizations and clinical visits/conversations/test) you had to pause your career altogether and re-invent yourself alongside your oldest daughter who lost herself. It was February 2021. 2021 became the year in which you threw your heart and soul into a new business venture and advocacy work simply because your heart needed a safe place to heal and quietly regain a sense of purpose.

So, here we are reflecting on 2022 and the important decision you made on the 23rd of January that changed the course of your year and life as you knew it. On that wintry Sunday morning you made the simple, but powerful decision, to “take your life back”. And it was not simply about taking it back, you chose to be “okay” taking it back. For so long you put your life on hold while prioritizing your daughter’s mental healthcare, but you suddenly realized that you needed to show your daughter that it was “okay” to move on. You found your voice and began driving and steering the life you had quietly built in 2021. You stopped reacting and living in fear of the unknown or even fear of what you did understand to be true. What might have been a reservation in the past became a challenge and an adventure. You wrote a book, your business took off, your advocacy work found a louder voice and your daughter/family began to heal and soar. And, it might be said, it was not because you were special or different…but instead because you were just like everyone else…your story and struggle relatable. So, you got back to life. You showed yourself and others that living in it…was not living. You lived past it and in doing so…your daughter learned she could too.

Now, go be brave and at times…uncomfortable. It has served you well and will continue doing so. Have faith…and for heaven’s sake…go have some fun!

Future Self