As our daughter’s new reality back in the “real world” unfolds, I watch her show-up differently to different people. My initial reaction was to queue up her counseling team…and I did…we meet on October, 15th to evaluate her treatment plan, next steps and timeline. But, in reality, I am not so sure how our daughter is showing up in different circumstances is actually related to her mental health. It might simply be a pre-teen girl trying to figure out how to navigate a life that is a little less protected (and certainly a great deal more confusing) than the year before. For the majority of women reading this I would bet most would say the pre-teen years might be the phase of life we collectively never want to do over. A time when belonging and feeling accepted out-weighs just about anything else.

In one aspect of our daughter’s life she is flourishing! Situation is new and those around her are new. She is learning, surrounded by friends and seeking different opportunities that surprise her dad and I every day. Generally, she is energized and willing/wanting to be challenged. She advocates for children’s mental health via these stories (she reads all or most), she challenged all of us not to forget the children in the hospital (hence, Prairie Bears), her awareness and compassion for others is off the charts and this week she starts media training to prepare her for children’s mental health advocacy work in the public sector.

In another aspect of our daughter’s life she is struggling and behavior is drastically different. In this space she is reminded every day that she is different…her life unfairly changed. We see more significant age regression, regressed executive function and memory impairment. She is lonely and her performance declining. She is often in tears and angry at the situation, which sadly influences how she presents to and treats others. All of the above not an excuse (and something we are parenting)…just reality of the situation…loneliness inducing anxiety and frustration.

My personality and nature is often to quick to judge or even just perceive what I think or want to see. I might more often than I should see my daughter and others in the second light I describe above. Instead I might need to examine myself. I am working hard every day to change that and generally I feel our world needs to do the same. We are all so quick to assume less than positive or good intent. So, I ask you…which version/circumstance do you see? …and does that perception influence what you see and how you respond? I, for one, have a great deal of work to do.