At the end of another week and probably ahead of a sit-down with my husband to evaluate how we move forward (a conversation we have every month to take stock of our daughter, family and us), I reflect on the importance of resilience and fortitude. A quote from Robert Frost, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

But, I am not talking about the obvious resilience and fortitude needed when caring for a child or loved one that has fallen ill…these characteristics are a given…there is no other way. I am talking about the undeniable need for resilience and fortitude in the space of taking care of “you”. As I weigh the decision or need to go back to work…honestly and openly…I am hesitant. I am nervous for the obvious reasons centered around wanting to be available for my children and a desire not to fill my plate to full again. I also recognize and accept that I am a better person, wife and mom when I am not balancing a full-time career with the demands at home. But…what really weighs heavy on my heart…I am proud of who I am now and what I have accomplished during a time of adversity. I have never felt more centered and grounded in who I am and my purpose. The thought of “going back” feels like an unwelcome surrender to the comforts I once knew during a time I struggled with identity and self-worth. “Going back” feels like the opposite of resilience and fortitude when I have fought so hard on so many fronts over the last year.

Since February of this year, I have slowly and intentionally molded a very different life than the one I lived prior to our daughter’s first indication of a panic disorder last September. Most of the work quietly done at night when my daughter and family slept. Days were centered around care…and at times…survival. But, while my family slept/sleeps I have built a business, joined a Board of Directors I am proud to serve with, joined the Greater Stillwater Chamber of Commerce Women’s Business Bridge, applied to both Leadership in the Valley and Partners in Policymaking programs, donated $250 (in partnership with customers) to a children’s mental health non-profit and helped fund (through generous donations of friends and family totaling almost $15K) 1200 bears for children admitted to a local inpatient mental health hospital.

I share all of this as a reminder for myself. A reminder for when life throws me another curve ball…and it will…that surrendering to the uncertainty does not provide strength. I share with the reader as a reminder to take care of “you” when taking care of a loved one. It is possible and okay to keep living even when in crisis or in a space that feels uncomfortable. It might take a little more effort, a bit more time, lots of self-care, diligence and determination. Frankly, some days you might feel a little self-centered (and even ridiculous at times) for investing in yourself while someone you love struggles. But what you need to know and trust…you are a far better care provider when you are taking care of your physical, mental and emotional well-being.

Life marches on…it always will. We cannot control the deck we are dealt, but we do get to choose how we play the cards. Remember…we are playing the long game. Life always goes on…and so must we.

Continue living.