Curled up in a blanket Sunday morning with a tea by the fireplace. My son to my left and our golden to my right. Life feels pretty darn blessed at this moment. I have a couple hours until I need to get the family ready for a follow-up KSTP interview. Reflecting on why we tell our story…

Family and friends often thank us for our youth mental health advocacy work. They use words like brave, courageous and inspiring. Our family is truly grateful for all the love, care, support and encouragement. But, truth-be-told, we tell our story to heal…for us…and the hope along the way is that our story might benefit others. We tell it to feel empowered and strong during a time in our lives that can often be heartbreaking, confusing and frustrating.

Sue Abderholden, Executive Director, NAMI Minnesota said something in a recent KSTP interview we participated in that has stuck with us. She said, “The word ‘stigma’ is being moved away from - it too easily rolls off the tongue.” (I reflect back on all the times I have used the word simply because others use it.) Sue continues, “What people are afraid of is feeling discriminated against. It is not about the person feeling shame for their condition or situation, it is our reaction to it that causes them to feel shame.” Sue nailed it.

We do not tell our story for recognition, accolades or for any other perceived gain. We do not even tell our story to reduce stigmas…per say. We tell our story to normalize the conversation, to educate others and to reduce the shaming that occurs to ultimately alleviate the shame those with a mental illness (an illness they did not choose) feel as a result of our behavior/perception/misunderstanding/lack of education.

Our daughter never felt shame for her mental illness until others indicated she should. We have always empowered our daughter to tell her story…to be a voice for others…but just as important…to feel strength and empowerment for her own mental health and well-being. To feel some level of control in a space of life that can feel uncontrollable and extremely unfair. Our reaction to her and others that might appear “different” has to change. She is not a hero or “different”…we are not heroes or “different”. We are simply trying to empower our family to be stronger than the shame that knocks at our door everyday. And if our job as parents - to empower and protect our children benefits others - we are beyond grateful the additional value is gained.

Embrace and empower the story (whatever the story) - do not judge it. Listen and seek to understand. It is only then that real change and productive work/healing begins. The alternative…well, we simply cannot fathom living in a place of fear and shame. We will not…and neither will our children.