My husband and I reflected last night on how much our family has adapted how we live with our oldest daughter. A choice - not necessarily. Instead, a change that quietly took hold over the last two years while we may or may not have been paying attention. Supporting a child with a mental illness is not something you do for a defined time period. It becomes your new way of life…you adapt to survive…. a necessary change to live in a suddenly modified reality.

I have said it before, but will say it again, “mental illness does not simply impact the one diagnosed”. Our position and advocacy for some time has been reminding others that it also impacts the family. Reminding providers and partners not to forget the parents in the lobby who are exhausted, run out of patience/resources and hearts are most likely broken. Or, not to forget siblings at home who may have just endured an explosive situation and do not understand why their older sister was taken abruptly from the home. Or, maybe the grandparents that quietly offer support however they can…exhausted with worry for both their children and grandchildren.

With time and the additional challenges and complexities we face, we are learning it is not just the patient or family…it impacts the entire network or community that engages with our family in any and all ways. Imagine a drop of dye in a glass of water. First, the impact of that dye is small and concentrated. It is much easier to protect our daughter, our family, our lifestyle and shield others around us (to protect them as well as us). But with time, that dye slowly expands out (we have no control over it) impacting so much and many more. First, it was our extended family and close friends, then co-workers and neighbors…now strangers.

Our fear was that the further removed the impact is from our immediate family, sadly (but understandably), care, tolerance and patience would be much less…misunderstanding and assumptions much greater resulting in increased fear and shame. Amazingly, this has not been the case. Almost everyone who has been impacted by our daughter’s mental illness has shown and continues to show our family love and support. A gift we are beyond grateful for and a reminder to do the same for others. Always choose love over fear.